You know I told you last night I got to deliver a reflections speech at my Bible college graduation – go SMTI! Well, that was not such an easy venture for me. That Saturday, when I was told by my teacher that I was chosen to give the speech, immediately I tried to say no (but she wasn’t asking me, she was just telling me) and all these fears of public speaking came flushing in. I’m very well-written but I cringe at speaking in front of people. Anyway…I left for the day, and I started to mentally prepare my speech. But then that Monday, I got some really bad, life-changing news. The devil was really trying to attack my family and my mind. I had some tough decisions to make – whether to stand on the word of God or follow after my own will. I chose to stand on the word. I emailed my Dean and told her that I couldn’t give the speech because I was just under so much mental attack. As the weeks (2) went by, I was just under so much condemnation and mental stress. The thing that happened didn’t even happen to me, but to someone else. But I felt as if it were still my fault that it happened. At our graduation rehearsal this past Thursday, I was still on the verge of tears. This thing was so heavy on my mind and on my heart. The Dean, then of course announced to all the other students who would be giving the speeches. I was still half-heartedly hoping that she would not say my name, but out it came. I couldn’t just deny her in front of everybody (well, and not feel good about it afterward). After rehearsal, I went into the bathroom and just started crying. I went home, sat in my parking lot and cried more. Then I started talking – to myself. Asking me, “Why? Why do I really feel like this? Why am I putting so much pressure on myself? Why am I keeping all this stuff locked inside me?” I had to get to the root of all my feelings. Sure, I felt guilty, but what was at the root of that? So I think I got to the root of the matter. And I just let it go. I know that, like I said a few days ago, it’s just Satan trying to using my emotions to move me away from what the Holy Spirit has already set in motion. So, I woke up Friday, went on about my business and feeling pretty condemnation-less for the rest of the weekend. And you know what happened next…I gave my speech – copy on previous post. And it was a good speech. I delivered almost everything that was written. But oddly enough, even when I try to be serious in serious moments, my delivery isn’t quite that. I got compliments such as that was “you are so real”, “I didn’t know you were that funny”, or “you should be a Christian comedian”. But I felt good. I felt like I accomplished whatever the Holy Spirit wanted to accomplish through me. I hope that I touched someone’s life the way they needed to be touched. So when I woke up this morning, I didn’t even think about what I wanted to be today. I felt it. The first thing my spirit said to me, was “Man, you won. You beat the devil last night. I am victorious!”. So that is what I am going to be today. VICTORIOUS.
As I was just writing this, my mind said to me, “what all does this word victorious that mean?”
Here’s what my MSOffice thesaurus says it means.
Winning. Triumphant. Prizewinning. Champion. Successful. Conquering.
Here’s what the Bible promises us about victory
1 Corinthians 15:57 New Living Translation
But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 John 5:4 New Living Translation
For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith.
Phillipians 3:14 New Living Translation
I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.
